Journal – March 2014

A day when you do not “think” it can get better and it does.. Wow! However, this leaves me curious to what I did that was so deserving of a day like today! Heavenly Father and our Lord have been so good to me these past 7 months.. My bowl of cherries runneth over…

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Walk In The Park

The beginning of my day was full. Lately, I have woken up at 6:30 am and I feel rested and want to get up and begin my day. Starting my day with prayer to Heavenly Father and thanking Him for the the nights rest, a place to sleep, the positive things in my life and the strength and guidance He supplies me to make it through the difficult situations that arise during my day. I am grateful for the light that outshines the darkness that even recently consumed my hopes, dreams and desire to live life.

Today I put forth the effort to walk at Patriot Park with the Fayetteville Georgia Stake Single Adults with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Not many attended but it was enough to get to know friends better and laugh. We walked 2 miles this morning and that was a great way to start the day.

I will make it through today with a joy in my heart that only comes from knowing the Gospel of Jesus Christ and applying his teachings in my life. Having love, faith and hope in Heavenly Father’s Plan of Happiness is an awesome way to go through life in these last days of evil. Trusting in Him, his son and the holy spirit keep me focused on important decisions and not worrying about how I will get through the negativity that surrounds me and still remains within me.

I am grateful for another day of whatever is to come, for I know with Christ by my side I’m going to be okay.

With Love In Christ…

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To Be Completed: A Grateful Chapter

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“To Be Completed”-  A Grateful Chapter

 I want to begin sharing the wonderful things I am grateful for each day. The list is already long and it will be my challenge to write of the amazing miracles and tender mercies that daily occur, by the immense love my Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ have for me, as well as all His children.

To Be Completed thru faith, hope and prayer

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Thankful For Wonderful Days

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Absorbing every drop of light

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Musical Showers

Musical Showers

Life is like a song. There is always an uplifting melody surrounding all of us. One just needs to put the right notes together.

Picture and saying were designed by Beth King w/Adobe Photoshop

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A Year To Positive

Another year has been lived and the calendar is swiftly approaching that date that many people dread. A birth date. It is comforting to know the focus is on Prince George Alexander Louis, of Cambridge. This will hopefully overshadow any expectations I need to live up to, which in my case are getting up in the morning and to accomplish anything for that day. I must admit, with much help from my family and new medication, life is looking much more positive.

I will just say it. I am about to turn… I am going to turn 52. No matter how much I dislike this nor how hard I kick and scream, It IS going to happen! It is hard to imagine, because in my heart and mind I still do not feel like an adult most days. I worry about what my outlook will be and if my ambitions will include any kind of energy this coming year or will they remain wishes, thoughts and dreams. Will I smile and laugh more? When I need help, will I finally reach out to other people and ask? Will I complete what I finish or be satisfied with “To Be Completed”?

I was very surprised when I turned 50. Although there was no Pomp & Circumstance (which I will admit was a tad disappointing), turning 50 did not affect me like I thought it would. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite. I looked at turning 50 as “I am now living the second half of my century”! Quite an accomplishment for someone heavily affected by trauma throughout the first half of her life. I was positive and anticipating a better future. Prayerfully, I would be saying goodbye to a not so kind acquaintance, Menopause. I had lost 60 pounds and quit smoking my 49th year, so I was anticipating better overall health. Turning 50 was “no sweat”. A piece of cake!

Then 51 hit… and I do mean hit. Wow. I was not prepared for the negative outlook that turning 51 mentally brought. I do not know nor understand why, but there was difficulty in accepting the new number that came with life. I thought it would be just another day, followed by just another year. But it was not. Everything felt out of sync. I did not feel as healthy as I did when I turned 50, and I had illnesses the latter part of that year including the removal of my gallbladder. It is a comfort to believe that it was the effects of menopause which caused this gloom. Instead of leaving, I believe it grasped tighter… A spiteful acquaintance!

This past year brought an unexpected loss as well. Loosing my best friend and former partner, Gwen, has been very difficult. There was many things to take care of the first 7 weeks or so. I felt guilt and anger, and resentment toward certain persons; but I did not make time to grieve. I did not want to. Accepting the reality of no more late night talks or phone calls. No more I love yous or someone to take care of nor someone that needed and wanted me for who I am. My person who never judged me nor was ashamed of who I am. I stayed busy until I could not do any more. Now I have been rather undecided about what to do next, feeling less guilt but the anger remains if not grows.

52…. What will happen on that day? How should I feel? What expectations will I place on myself for this year?  Because I do not finish what I start I usually do not expect much from myself except failure. There is much Pomp & Circumstance when I do finish anything. Will I be able to change my thought pattern and realize that what I am doing or making does not have to be perfect? Can I accept that? Will I begin to grieve and move on with my life, without Gwen. What will I expect from others? Will I finally be able to say how I truly feel…. or continue to protect those I love and live behind my mask?

I know I have had more energy the past few weeks, even leaving the house and going outside. Walking Lindsey, my dog, down the street as opposed to just in front of the yard…. I’ve only canceled one appointment in the past two weeks. I did start a project; and although I hired a friend and neighbor, it was finally finished. I am throwing myself a birth date cookout this Saturday. I am going to take the smoker I bought several years ago, out of its box and use it to smoke some type of meat. Corn on the cob, veggies and grapes, salads and my daughter-in-law is baking me a cake. Family and some friends, not a large crowd. Although I would like to have more people, reality is I cannot handle that yet.

While 51 started on such a low note, it seems to be ending on positive notes. With all that said, I will look to improve my quality of life during my 52nd year; and try to, no, I WILL be more positive and place this one expectation on myself: I will start and finish a number of things. I WILL be more positive and upbeat about my future. I will feel as the song goes, “….the futures so bright, I gotta wear shades!”

Here’s to a year of good health, happiness and much personal growth…..

 

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Vacation

Just a little note to everyone stopping by. I will be away for one week. My brother has invited me to go with his family to the mountains. 

My camera and binoculars are packed and I am very excited about my trip. This will be my first real vacation in about 7 years….. Gwen took me down to Fort Pierce and Palm Beach, FL, USA. A memory I will forever cherish. Now to make new memories….

Looking forward to sharing with you on my return…..

With Peace & Love,

Beth

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